Do you often feel misunderstood?
Does clear communication elude you?
Is intimacy or vulnerability in communication scary to you?
Are you ready to talk the talk, so that it aligns with your walk and creates a Spiritual Sprint in your evolution?
Join us in our Facebook group Wednesday, April 8, 2020 at 8:11p.m. eastern time to hear some examples and stories about how we mostly maintain effective communication in our relationship, and how we overcame some of our biggest blocks; which you probably have experienced too, or you may be experiencing right now!
For now, here are our 5 transformational tips for empowered communication in all relationships:
- Remove absolute words.
Nothing is absolute in an ever-changing, infinite Universe. “Change is the only constant”(Heraclitus) Using words like “never” and “always” hinder the possibility for balance of polarity. Light has dark. Up has down. True statements – t.houghtful r.ealistic u.niversal e.vident statements wouldn’t include the words “never” or “always” because they don’t allow for flow or balance. For example, “You NEVER care!” or “You ALWAYS do that!” are untrue. Even if someone doesn’t seem to care about you, certainly at some point in their life they cared (for you) about something, or someone. When you say to someone they “always” do something, it’s untrue because in their sleep, they probably don’t do whatever it is that you’re talking about. Very few things, if not everything, is not NEVER or ALWAYS anything.
2. Quit communicating as a control freak.
You know what sucks just as bad as the expectation of absolute words? Words that denote obligation! “You should do this” or “This is the only choice I have” are power phrases (or control freak phrases). One statement places power on themselves or another, “You should do this”. The other statement gives the power away, “This is the only choice I have”. When you have an unhealthy relationship with power, your relationships will look reflective of manipulation, control, pushing and pulling, blaming, and other toxic traits. Ain’t nobody got time for ‘dat.
3. Leave space for breathwork to work.
If we can connect to our breath while we are talking and while we are listening, we will experience a more conscious communication style. When we speak with connection to our breath, our words will flow with more ease and provide deeper understanding and clarity. When we listen to others with connection to our breath, we will be able to experience compassion and understanding of another (and ourselves). Breathing does so much for the body like; reducing anxiety, providing oxygen to the brain, lowering blood pressure, and detoxifying the body. In fact, breathing contributes to 70% of our bodies detoxification process! When we breathe through our communication in highly stressful or emotional situations, or heated discussions, we will find that we maintain a more balanced physical self which allows for us to positively influence our emotional and mental self.
4. Count to 20.
Before responding, pause. For at least 20 seconds when it comes to pausing with another person, or longer if just with yourself. In fact, meditation – or pausing and breathing for 15 minutes a day will improve your relationships tremendously, but let’s start with the 20 seconds. When you’re in a conversation with someone, your ability in how you respond is your responsibility. If you find yourself wanting to respond while someone else is talking, or get your opinion in during an argument, wait. (“But why am I always the one waiting??” Don’t go there. Refer to transformative tip numero uno, my friend.) Give them their turn to talk. You just sit there listening and connect with your breathing. When they stop talking, physically listen to their silence for at least 20 seconds before speaking. *Actively listening looks like leaning in to them. Slowly shaking your head with your eyes down, perhaps fidgeting with something. Some other body language that communicates “Go on…” In that 20 seconds, they will either begin talking again (let them) or they won’t. If they don’t, that leaves you space to communicate from a place of connection to yourself through breathwork (see tip number 3).
5. Empty words, ultimatums, or “threats”.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Why would you have it, want it, or do it any other way? Speak words of value. Don’t fill silence with meaningless words or else you create a meaningless space because what we “feed”, grows. If we want a more meaningful space, we need to fill it with meaningful things – like effective communication. An easy example is managing a child’s behavior (or parenting). Let’s say the child is doing something they are not supposed to and you’re trying to get them to stop. If you tell them “If you don’t stop, I’m putting you to bed” and you do not put them to bed when they continue to do it one more time, your words/ultimatum/threat is empty and meaningless. The child will not trust that you will keep your potential punishment so listening to you and following your directions or guidance, probably isn’t going to happen the next time. Keep your word. And also, only speak words you are able and willing to keep, “think before you speak” type of vibe.
We all need a reminder of these tips because at times, we are all emotionally attached to something. Reflection work and working with a coach like me can help understand the process more and come up with an individualized plan for progress, but in the mean time, simply catching ourselves and utilizing these practices will immediately begin to change communication with yourself and others. This shift will empower you, and all your relationships!
~ Best blessings, and love all ways!