Do you communicate what you want to say?
Do you communicate what you wish you didn’t say?
Do you sometimes communicate what you don’t know you’re communicating… but do?
Communication happens on so many different levels…it’s not just a physical experience. We communicate with our energy, our thoughts, and our body, too.
Sometimes we say what we need to say.
Sometimes we say things from a place of trigger.
And sometimes we say things we didn’t even think we were saying but are heard or received a way that we may not have intended.
Communication happens on so many different levels…and it’s not just a physical experience. We communicate with our energy, our thoughts, and our body, too.
Communication is also the number one obstacle in relationships and is disguised as:
– trust issues
– heart break
– dysfunctional upbringing
and yes, we all have those and we have all experienced one of those, at some point in our life or another. We have all experienced a wound like the ones listed above.
This is why the wound is not the problem and the communication about it or in the relationship IS.
…Because, we all have wounds. How we communicate through them is what matters when it comes to longevity, intimacy, and happiness in relationships.
Here are a few tips for aligned communication.
- Use Absolute / Obligatory Words for Healing – NOT communicating.
Using words like “never”, “always”, and “should” are indicators that we may be speaking with a limited perception of the truth, from a wounded place, or as a response to a trigger. So if you find yourself SAYING one of these words or THINKING thoughts that include these words – Don’t. Stop and think about how you are really feeling and express THAT instead of the “always”, “never”, or “should”.
Let’s talk about why…
Let’s start with “should”. Should sets an expectation… “You should do this”, “I should not have said that”. No one likes to have expectations put on them and most fall short of expectation. Expectation is a big reason for disappointment. There’s no point in feeling the way a “should” indicates how you are feeling. Don’t should on yourself. Don’t should on another. If you did something you “shouldn’t” have done – instead of speaking about THAT, speak about what you CAN and ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT.
Now, the truth has many sides and parts to it to make it “true”. Things that are TRUE [things that are recognized as truth) have an opposite and equal counterpart. If you find yourself saying something like “You never listen to me!“, the opposite and equal counterpart would be “You always listen to me!”or “You always hear me!”. It would not be “You always ignore me” because that is not opposite and equal energy. So, “You always listen to me” or “You always hear me” isn’t true because at the moment that one is saying “You never listen to me” it is because they are feeling like they are unheard. Imagine if we said that, instead. “I feel unheard” would generally lead into a different type of communication than “YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!” would.
Now, being aware of the feelings behind “always”, “never”, and “should” is a great starting point to practice from, but it’s not a “perfect fix” for communication. It means that the more you can practice how you are feeling when you find yourself using the words “always”, “never”, and should; the better off you will be in communicating how you feel.
Why does this work? Let’s look at a couple of reasons.
For starters, you wouldn’t be placing blame on the other person.
As a result, the other person wouldn’t need to process feeling blamed.
Next, you’d be more aware of areas for healing and can explore your feelings more.
Also, as you practice it for yourself, you would be able to see it in another.
As a result, you would have an opportunity to shift your response to their comment, with [hopefully] deeper compassion & understanding that they too are speaking from a trigger… and in this moment, you might be able to lead the conversation towards healing rather than perpetuating a wound.
- Pause: 15 or “3 for ME”
If you find yourself in a conversation with someone, and it seems that one or both of you may be triggered, give yourself a 15 minute pause. That might mean that if someone is talking to you about something, that instead of responding; you pause for 15 minutes after they are quiet to see if they have anything more to say. Likely, if they have more to say, they need a short time to gather their thoughts and continue talking. As they are talking you have an opportunity to direct your energy towards compassionate healing. When there is a break in the conversation and the space allows for you to express your thoughts and ideas; do so with breath between your words and letter sounds.
In the 15 seconds of pause, make sure your body language indicates that you are still interested what the other person has to say. If in 15 seconds they have said nothing more, you will be able to take a more balanced approach to the conversation. Of course, take a 15 second pause before you communicate – in a direct conversation.
If you are deciding something for yourself, or communicating intuitively with the Spirit/God, & you’re figuring your own thing out – give yourself 3 DAYS space to see what comes in. In this space be unattached to the outcome as best as you can and practice grounding techniques + journaling.
- Repeat Your Understanding
When someone expresses their feelings, the conversation is usually a rebuttal about how the OTHER person feels – which is usually somehow directly connected to their interpretation of what you just expressed. This is how and why we can get caught in argumentative cycles or communication blocks. This is why we argue about the same things and not make progress… because we are not fully understanding the conversation or feeling understood – or USUALLY, both.
Therefore, it’s important to either ask the person you are in conversation with: “Can you repeat your understanding of what I just said?”… and once they do, if correct, you can proceed to ask them how they feel about that. If they seem to misunderstand, recommunicate until you are both clearly hearing and understanding each other. This allows the conversation to be approached with understanding and intention.
OR… You can repeat back to them “I hear you saying………… is that correct?” and repeat BACK to them the words they just used. If when you say “Is that correct?” and they respond with “Yeah… You… blah blah blah”… then again, repeat it again… “I hear you saying…… is that correct?” And KEEP THIS GOING until it’s left with a simple YES. And THEN you can ask “Okay, what do you need from me” or “Okay, how we can move forward together on this topic?”…… Asking questions without questioning the other person is important, so remember to watch your energy when you communicate. You do not want to ask a question with the feeling that “it doesn’t matter what they say, I already know the answer” or “I don’t trust their answer” kind of vibe. They will know, even if they aren’t “aware” that they know… Energetically, they know.
If there is any part of this that you want to explore with our guidance, feel free to send us an email… We’d love to chat!! If you are interested in booking a session for deep healing, visit our services page. If you know you want to expand your Spiritual Toolbox and understand your awakening more deeply, consider joining us October 1st for Soul’d Up! If you identify as a Twin Flame, join us on Facebook!
Be blessings & love all ways,